Saturday, June 6, 2009

10 New Jokes

JOKES NUMBER 1
Teacher: Ramalingam, Stand up! and give me an example of an amphibian
Ramalingam: Sir! an example of an amphibian is a Frog
Teacher: Ok. Now give me an example of another amphibian
Ramalingam: Sir!, another example of an amphibian is another frog
JOKES NUMBER 2
Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned....\"
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Hari in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Hari : Two miles .
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise.
I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Hari: Downwards... !!
JOKES NUMBER 3
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
\"I would like to buy this small TV,\" he told the salesman.
\"Sorry, we don\'t sell to Sardars,\" he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
\"I would like to buy this TV.\"
\"Sorry, we don\'t sell to Sardars,\" Salesman replied.
\"Damn, he recognized me,\" he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
\"I would like to buy this TV.\"
\"Sorry, we don\'t sell to Sardars,\" he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, \"How do you know I\'m a Sardar?\"
\"Because that\'s a microwave,\" he replied.
JOKES NUMBER 4
Common Person: Sardar Ji! aap kitne padhe ho?
Sardar Ji: BA
Common Person: Are bas do letters padhe ho aur woh bhi ulte.
JOKES NUMBER 5
mamu : yea ford kya hota hay .
circuit: bhai yea ford gadi hota hay .
mamu : circuit yea oxford kya hota hay .
circuit: bhai yea ox bolay to bell or ford bolay to gadi , toa oxford bolay to bellgadi hota hay
JOKES NUMBER 6
teacher to ram: tell me the height of mount Everest
ram to teacher: i don't know sir

teacher : then stand up
ram: why sir? if I stand up on the bench will I be able to see the Mt. Everest?
JOKES NUMBER 7
Boy: (to a new girl)Darling,Mero mutu ma aayara basana.
Girl: (In very angry mood)Chappal fukalau?
Boy: Mero man mandir hoina ,Nafukali aaya hunchha.
JOKES NUMBER 8
Ram Bahadur chihan ko bato hudai katai jandai thiyo.Chihan ghar mathi auta manis basiraheko dekhera Ram Bahadur le sodhyo-Hello dai madhya ratma yasari chihan mathi basna dar lagdaina.manis le jawaf diyo-Ke ko dar lagnu ni bhitra garmi bhayara bahira niskeko.
JOKES NUMBER 9
Two salesmen are going for a lunch with their manager. They find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
Genie:- “I’ll give each of you just one wish”
“Me first! Me first!” says two salesmen.
1st salesman :- “I want to be in the world tour, relaxing in 5 stars hotel, enjoying the best food in the world and wish it goes on and on.
” Poof !\" 1st salesman’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the next salesman .
2nd Salesman:- “I want to be in Hollywood, relaxing with the actresses. On seaside, I wish Cameron Diaz giving me body massage personally, and wish to have endless journey.
” Poof !\" 2nd salesman has also gone.
Genie: (to manager):- “OK, you’re up.
The manager says:- “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
JOKES NUMBER 10
Sardarji to Students: A for Apple
Students: Softly - Apple
Sardarji ( loudly ): Jor So Bolo
Students: Jai Mata Di

Thursday, January 31, 2008

More SardarJee Jokes

1. Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

2. Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up (He thought that it takes only one sec to fly to Amritsar).

3.
[EMPLOYMENT..]
Once our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.

Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes

4.
[CROCODILE BOOTS..]
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* bare feet!"

5. A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The Sarder says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

6. A Sarder took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"

7. Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh.. we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"

That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."

All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.

The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"

8. Sarder went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sarder?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

9. A Sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!" : "I don't have to think-I'm sardar!"

10. A Sardar, a Japanese and a Britisher were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down. Because they had nothing else, they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.

The Japanese took the radiator, the Britisher took the seat, and our Sardar took the door.

After a while of walking the Britisher asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."

Next our Pappaji asked the Britisher "Why did you bring the seat?"
So the Britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."

Finally the Japanese asked our Hero why he had chosen the door.
The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

11.
[TO LOSE WEIGHT..]
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem ?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

12.
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

13. A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"

Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

14. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"

Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
15.
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

16. Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.

When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.

Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

17. Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"

The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

18. Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

19. Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

20.
[DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE]
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.

He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

The Famous SardarJee Jokes

1.One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on The thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to
his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in panic. Not
knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor
he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.
************* ************* ************* ************* *************
2. A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I bor-rowed a book last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!" The
librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."

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3. A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly over him. The Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."


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4. A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"


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5. How many sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.


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6. Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world? Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.


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7. Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one else could use them if he lost his
checkbook?


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8. Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.


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9. Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day. "Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?"."Because," said Banta Singh,"The directions on the can said to put on two coats. "


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10. A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.then the foreman asked the
sardar why he kept painting less each day,he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting
farther away from the paint can. "


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11. Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids? So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

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12. A sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think-I 'm sardar! "


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13. Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
Sardarji : 'What problem?'


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14. Why couldn't the sardar write the number "eleven"?
He didn't know which "one" (1) came first...

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15. Why does a sardar only change his baby's diapers once a month?
Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds."



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16. One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered "No No Me Banta Singh." Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai." (Translation ... Idiot everyone is looking for you and you are relaxing here!!!!!)

17. Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."



18. So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking??
"Saala today again I will have to fall......"



19. One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly " Sardarji what are you doing ?" Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I filling the birth certificate form. The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi for their next destination. On the next day, they find the Sardarji in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple asked" Sardarji what are you doing ?" Once again replied that I had a baby and I filling the birth certificate form. The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi? Sardarji coolly replied "The form says FILL IN CAPITAL.'



20. Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. "What happened ?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet." "But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "

21. An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

22. A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron an stuck to my ear." "Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. .. what happened to the other ear?" "The man called back again."



23. There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa sing, "Singh saab, how come you are celebrating?"..... comes the reply :
Its the first time that a sardar has died of "brain" tumour !!"



24. Do you know what a Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!



25. Do you know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper? (he already has one and he wants one more..)

He takes a Xerox of the white paper !

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Nepali Jokes

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the
schoolyard. Each was bragging about how great their
fathers are.

The first one said: "Well, my father
runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to
run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"


The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My
father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there
before the bullet!"

Little Johnny listened to the
other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "You
two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil
servant. He stops working at 4:30... and he's home by
3:45!"


Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were
travelling in an aeroplane.

Suddenly, something went
wrong and the engines stalled.



They had no
parachutes with them. So all the three of them
decided to risk their lives and jump out of their
planes.



First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed
his turban, used it as a parachute and
jumped.



Using the turban he slowly floated
down.



Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped
out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also
floated down gently.



Seeing this, the American
removed his shirt and pant and jumped out.
Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute
and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the
ground.



He passed by the Hindu who said - " May
Bhagwan help you".



Then he passed the Sardar. The
Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and
was puzzled.



So he said - "I see! You want a race!
Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his
turban.